I recently lost Papaji (my maternal grandfather), the last of my grandparents. I had never had the chance to meet my maternal grandmother but at least I had the good fortune of meeting and spending so much time with 3 of them. It was the end of a generation for me, the end of an era.
I felt orphaned almost instantly even though I have both my parents, a sibling, a husband and his family to cherish. It was an empty feeling I cant describe, that made me feel so hollow. All three of them lived happy, healthy lives and died of old age, which always helps in your acceptance of it, but still I felt a vacuum that upset me so much. I realized then what an important part of my life they had been even though my interaction with them became a lot less as I grew older, and got busy with my life. All of a sudden every instant spent with them and every memory came rushing back to me.
Apoopa (my paternal grandfather) was the one I loved the most. He might have been born in the 1914, but that didn't change my ability to interact with him right until 2008 when he passed, as if he was part of my generation. The way he thought, the manner in which he functioned, his discipline in life, his obsessiveness about routine and its importance in daily life, his love for education and learning, his never say never attitude, his honesty and straightforwardness, his belief in nobody and no god but the goodness of being.... I could go on.
Amooma's (my paternal granmother) love for feeding everyone who entered the house especially all her grandchildren. Her storytelling that was legendary, her humor, her never passing judgement even if there was cause for it, her staying up till 2 or 3 in the morning till every member of the house was back safely.Her waking up at 5 am everyday rain or sunshine to have a typical South Indian bath, water her garden, pluck fresh flowers from there and use it in her morning prayers asking all her gods to take care of her family. He singleminded focus and devotion towards her husband, ensuring everything she did was in the hope of a better, healthier life for him.
Papaji's generosity despite not having much, but was shown in every action of his, which just goes to show how one can be so generous even when they have nothing of material value to give. When I think of him today the first thing that comes to mind is thoughtfulness. Whether it was waiting for everyone to be seated at the dinner table, and insisting on everyone having their plates full and eating before he would even start (this even at the age of 93), or it was offering his bed near the breezy window in the furnace that is Gulbarga in the peak summer so that we could have a peaceful night's sleep, even if he didn't. He had a temper that would put anyone to shame, and so despite an argument with him over the same things everyday we would have to succumb to his wants even though it angered us at seeing him so uncomfortable. Its amazing how stubborn and angry a nonagenarian can get.
Im 28 today and when I look back , so much of what I have learnt has unconsciously come from my observation of not just them but my parents interaction with them. I know every child thinks their parents are the best, but I can honestly say without the slightest doubt or hesitation that the manner in which my parents took care of my grandparents, and went out of their way throughout the course of their married lives to put their parents as number one priority- very few people do in todays busy, selfish times. Time, money, resources or even children, nothing took priority over taking care of their parents. At the first ring of the telephone, they would drop anything they might have been doing and fly to where their parents were, sit in hospitals for weeks, spend months at their homes, nurse them back to health if it even meant washing and cleaning up after their elderly mess. There was no job too menial or cumbersome and no time too precious when it came to taking care of them.
So today when I see children throwing their parents out of their own houses and tricking ailing parents into signing off property to them, I cringe, because I cant even imagine it. Grandparents to me were not burdens and people who took up so much of your time, instead were a wealth of knowledge by merely observing them. They were my time machines into the past to experience history as it was created in a world that I can never relate to. The were rich sources of information for solutions at the most basic levels, whether at home or at work, without the use of consultants, help, gadgets or the internet.
And Im so saddened at not having them in my life anymore.
I miss you Apoopa, Amooma and Papaji and wish I had more time to spend with you. Thank you for everything you taught me without even knowing you did.
I felt orphaned almost instantly even though I have both my parents, a sibling, a husband and his family to cherish. It was an empty feeling I cant describe, that made me feel so hollow. All three of them lived happy, healthy lives and died of old age, which always helps in your acceptance of it, but still I felt a vacuum that upset me so much. I realized then what an important part of my life they had been even though my interaction with them became a lot less as I grew older, and got busy with my life. All of a sudden every instant spent with them and every memory came rushing back to me.
Apoopa (my paternal grandfather) was the one I loved the most. He might have been born in the 1914, but that didn't change my ability to interact with him right until 2008 when he passed, as if he was part of my generation. The way he thought, the manner in which he functioned, his discipline in life, his obsessiveness about routine and its importance in daily life, his love for education and learning, his never say never attitude, his honesty and straightforwardness, his belief in nobody and no god but the goodness of being.... I could go on.
Amooma's (my paternal granmother) love for feeding everyone who entered the house especially all her grandchildren. Her storytelling that was legendary, her humor, her never passing judgement even if there was cause for it, her staying up till 2 or 3 in the morning till every member of the house was back safely.Her waking up at 5 am everyday rain or sunshine to have a typical South Indian bath, water her garden, pluck fresh flowers from there and use it in her morning prayers asking all her gods to take care of her family. He singleminded focus and devotion towards her husband, ensuring everything she did was in the hope of a better, healthier life for him.
Papaji's generosity despite not having much, but was shown in every action of his, which just goes to show how one can be so generous even when they have nothing of material value to give. When I think of him today the first thing that comes to mind is thoughtfulness. Whether it was waiting for everyone to be seated at the dinner table, and insisting on everyone having their plates full and eating before he would even start (this even at the age of 93), or it was offering his bed near the breezy window in the furnace that is Gulbarga in the peak summer so that we could have a peaceful night's sleep, even if he didn't. He had a temper that would put anyone to shame, and so despite an argument with him over the same things everyday we would have to succumb to his wants even though it angered us at seeing him so uncomfortable. Its amazing how stubborn and angry a nonagenarian can get.
Im 28 today and when I look back , so much of what I have learnt has unconsciously come from my observation of not just them but my parents interaction with them. I know every child thinks their parents are the best, but I can honestly say without the slightest doubt or hesitation that the manner in which my parents took care of my grandparents, and went out of their way throughout the course of their married lives to put their parents as number one priority- very few people do in todays busy, selfish times. Time, money, resources or even children, nothing took priority over taking care of their parents. At the first ring of the telephone, they would drop anything they might have been doing and fly to where their parents were, sit in hospitals for weeks, spend months at their homes, nurse them back to health if it even meant washing and cleaning up after their elderly mess. There was no job too menial or cumbersome and no time too precious when it came to taking care of them.
So today when I see children throwing their parents out of their own houses and tricking ailing parents into signing off property to them, I cringe, because I cant even imagine it. Grandparents to me were not burdens and people who took up so much of your time, instead were a wealth of knowledge by merely observing them. They were my time machines into the past to experience history as it was created in a world that I can never relate to. The were rich sources of information for solutions at the most basic levels, whether at home or at work, without the use of consultants, help, gadgets or the internet.
And Im so saddened at not having them in my life anymore.
I miss you Apoopa, Amooma and Papaji and wish I had more time to spend with you. Thank you for everything you taught me without even knowing you did.
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