HAPPY 2016!

So I’ve been going grey over the last few years, evidently aging starts well into our late twenties!

To colour or not to colour seemed to be the question, as this greying process introduced itself to me.

A person who colours their hair obviously cares enough about themselves to look well groomed, young and presentable (because lets face it a young face with grey clusters around your hairline might come across as someone who is lazy and unkempt) And then there is the other option of accepting how one looks and having the confidence not to have to hide this process of aging. Both options seemed to have positive connotations to them.

What I’m trying to get at is that this decision of what to do when we start greying is binary. And both options are valid and right in what they serve to do. Everyone has an point of view in life and is best when not imposed on the next person.

The story of Aaliya’s life however seems to be quite the state of the world today. She has an opinion about EVERYTHING and insists we subscribe to it or there is hell to pay for. Strangely though in this case I don’t seem to mind at all. I’m extremely “tolerant" of all that I am forced to listen to simply because of the manner it is said in; She’s so charming its hard not to comply with her commands. There is wonder in everything she sees around her and to live that wonderment through her is priceless.

I met a blind man on the road in Bangalore recently, he was having what I thought was a a traumatic day, but to him it was just another day. An auto had rammed into his cane that morning and broken it (for someone who’s mobility depends on that cane you can imagine how devastating that might be), yet there he was walking near the median of the road with his broken cane. By the time I pulled over another gentleman had guided him safely to the pavement. I offered him a lift to where he was headed, 2 kms away, he refused as he didn’t want to bother me. I bullied him into sitting in the car with me only to hear that he was headed to a bus stop to travel 9 kms away in Bangalore traffic during peak hours, to donate his blood in return for an amount of money he was unaware of, so that he might travel back home another 11kms that evening only to take another bus the next morning and travel another 15 km to buy a cane that would cost him Rs 1000. An amount he didn’t have currently as it was his first week at a new job. Here was a blind man in a new city with a broken cane walking on non existent pavements on a busy road, traveling by bus in Bangalore traffic on Bangalore roads wasting two whole days of his precious life to buy a cane that he had to money to pay for!

I offered him the money to save him the trouble of that evening and do you know what his response was? He said,”No thank you but I don’t want people seeing a blind man taking money from another hand.”

And here I am with my life's biggest problem being the 4 extra kilos I’ve put on because I’ve been having too much food to eat! It really puts things in perspective doesn’t it?

I’ll leave you with a letter I wrote to Aaliya when we decided on her school not because its relevant to anybody but because it covers what I believe is the most important thing in life - HAPPINESS!

I hope this year is filled with happiness for all those who have seen and been in places no one should ever have to be.

I hope this year is filled with happiness for those who have had to leave their lives behind to find a HAPPY place for their children to grow up in.

I hope this year is filled with happiness for everyone who has lost a loved one.

And I hope that all the bad guys find some happiness in their lives so that they can stop destroying others’.

Oh and in case you wish to know which option I chose for my greying hair, come see us in Hongkong:)

HAPPINESS ALWAYS!

Happy 2016!

"My darling Aaliya,

Today is a big day for us! We've just filled in your very first school's application form and are about to send it. Im a little nervous, not because I don't think we've made the right decision but simply because its such a huge decision to make in my opinion. It's a very heavy feeling that I'm going to try and describe to you as best as I can.

You were born to us and so you have no choice when it comes to parents and what we have to offer you in helping you grow up to be the best version of yourself that you can be. But a school is something we decide on that will have a huge impact on you and your influences as you grow up. Which is why I feel its such a big decision to make and feel so responsible in ensuring we have made the right one. I know its preschool and everyone will probably say "Who cares? they are so small" But in my opinion its this age that will determine your levels of self confidence, self loving, positioning in a social setting and how you integrate into the world at large as you get older. If we can help build all these up as high as possible, we have no doubt in you building on it academically and otherwise to achieve your full potential. Which is why this school is so important to us.

Your father and I have been very lucky to have very high levels of confidence in life. I don't really think we did much to feel this way, it had to do with the encouragement, acknowledgement and appreciation we received very early on in life I guess. But this has meant that we are inherently happy people. It takes a lot to get us down in life. Success, career, money, achievement all of that is secondary.... what is primary is happiness in life and I hope this school is the right step towards that.

This will be your very first school. And what a fantastic school it is. You are actually so fortunate to be able to go to a school like this. Its a place where YOU will be celebrated, your curiosity will be fueled, your questions will be answered, your doubts will be cleared, your dislikes will be acknowledged and your misbehavior addressed and corrected in a constructive manner. It's a place where you can play and learn, explore and learn, create and learn, watch and learn, act and learn, dance and learn, interact and learn but above all learn without sacrificing your individuality in anyway. Its not a factory that will churn out 20 toddlers who know their alphabet and numbers at the age of 3. Its not a 'sit down at a table and repeat after me' kind of classroom. Its everything papa and I could have dreamed of for you and more.

I hope you love it as much as we do and enjoy every day having the most fun you can. PLAY PLAY PLAY but above all be happy my baby, because thats what its all about.

I love you more than you could ever know,

Mama"

Nature is such a leveller....

Very often in life you are jolted back into reality by incidents and life episodes...

The Nepal earthquake 2 days ago seems to have done that for me.

I spent Saturday late afternoon getting a facial done, and was complaining to myself as I was having it done how much waste a single facial adds to the environment. All the tissue paper, the clean cotton swabs, the face masks, the laundry. A 70 long minute facial left me with more guilt of what my vanity cost the earth, instead of the glowing face I hoped to see. 

As I walked out of the centre, I read news of the massive earthquake in Nepal. My first thoughts were with my sister in law, nephew and her family who were in Kathmandu and my brother in law who was summiting Everest. Calls around brought news that they were safe. However news articles, videos and photographs caught my gut to think of how useless our pursuits in life are in the face of events like these. 

I have spent the last month shopping and settling into a new apartment. As of last week we were settled and done, so I was still reeling from it all each time I entered home, feeling happy, safe and thrilled at how pretty everything looked. What is it all worth though? Nothing really. Here I'm so tickled by my new abode while people in Nepal are standing outside their homes hearing their children cry as they use their bare hands to accomplish an impossible task of moving concrete boulders in hope to rescue what they know will be a life no more. Aaliya sleeps safely in her warm bed tucked in, while parents have lost their infants as young as her, because they were too small to make it out in time. How do I make sense of any of this in my head? and so I write.

I've spent a small fortune buying so much to 'decorate' a house, while that amount could have helped rebuild a few homes for those lying out in the cold rainy night. I know life hands out what you are destined for? But what I cannot understand is how so much can be taken away from you in a second that your entire existence seems so worthless. To have lived 20-30-40 years struggling everyday to make a living, build a house, raise a family, only to have it all destroyed between 11:41 and 11:42 am on a Saturday morning in 34 seconds.  

34 SECONDS!!!!!!

This world is beautiful no doubt, life is precious no doubt, gratitude must be abundant no doubt  - but to have to live through a tragedy like this and so many more that are happening almost routinely world over, just makes me wonder "What the hell is anything I've done in life worth?" Nothing in the face of something like this. Who cares how I did in school, what job I got in life, how much Im worth, assets I own, clothes I wear, whether or not my face glows? Who ****ing cares? Its all worth nothing in the end isn't it? 

We come with nothing and go with nothing. Everything in between is spent chasing materialistic pleasures that seem so shallow right now. Again Happiness is all it boils down to doesn't it? Did I live happy? Did I die happy? Did I leave behind happy memories?

Nothing seems worth anything when faced with crisis like this.... perspective changes in a second.... but then over time we go back to our own ways again! 

Hate how the human mind has the ability to forget, but if it didn't we'd continue to be miserable throughout, and happiness would be elusive. 

But happiness is the only thing I seek and deem important at this point. 

My hope for all of them is that they find a happy moment sometime soon, if life allows them to forget this pain. We're all so insignificant in the grand plan of this universe and its cycle. Yet we give ourselves so much importance... Ill tell u what- ITS WORTH NOTHING! 

NEVER SAY NEVER! 2014 you make me smile :)

I'm singing a very different tune from the end of last year as I write this today... not only did we change our mind about having a kid...we've had one already!! HAHA!!!
I had no idea a year could change so much so fast! 

Welcome to our lives -  Aaliya:) And before you ask -  no it has no connection to my being named that in Chak De:)

Never in my wildest dreams did I imagine that the sound of a burp or fart would give me sooo much joy. Children do change you... forever. 

I know its almost impossible to talk about anything else once you've had a baby, but Ill try! 

I finally got our wedding album printed this year, big big deal for me, given we've been married almost 3 years, have had a baby and I still hadn't gotten down to it! (pat myself on the back) Finished a Vidal Sassoon course in SF a week before we found out we were expecting, it was brilliant! Had to quit work a month into the pregnancy, so hairdressing will be revisited once Aaliya is a bit older I guess. 

Everyone asks me "How does it feel?" and all I can say is "Different". Apart from being madly in love with her and all of the natural emotions one experiences being a first time parent, I feel like a 'different' person and thats as best as I can describe it! My body feels different, emotionally Ive changed forever, I can no longer just get up and take off when I feel like, run 100 errands a day, because I now have a whole life I'm responsible for, and that takes getting used to. 

I've heard so many women talk about how proud they are of their post delivery bodies, having "scars of war" as they call them…and all of that….  Good for them…I'm not a fan of my new body and thats the truth! 

But then there is a smile, that lights up your entire being when you see just a glimpse of it. And if you know its directed at you then its like Diwali is being celebrated inside your being. Crackers, lights, noise everything erupts inside of you! Its crazy. Waiting 15-20 minutes to see her roll over as we all sit around and clap as if it were the most complicated circus act of all time that was performed. Having her look up at me and give me her most charming dimpled smile as she feeds. Her falling asleep on my chest as I sing to her. Her recognizing my voice and instantly calming down as if all is okay in the world again. Her absolute helplessness that makes me feel like I am the most important person she will ever have in her life...... When people say its indescribable... I had no idea this is what it meant. It is the most intimate relationship I've ever had and as beautiful as it is its equally petrifying.

I feel we have such a huge responsibility in not just bringing her up and providing for her, but in ensuring she grows up as a happy, secure, confident child who knows she's loved before she knows anything else. 

And so as AAP takes over Delhi and Modi takes over India hopefully... there is new promise and hope that I see all around me... but above all the promise and hope I see in our lives personally as we begin this New Year with our precious little one. 

HAPPY NEW YEAR ! This one's to the first page in a whole new chapter of our (Akhil & I)  lives...

Love,

Anaitha

Onwards...2013

I'll be honest I'm not overly thrilled at this point as I write this mail, in light of the situation back home and the general mood world over. I don't know why all the bad guys always wait for the end of the year to carry out whatever they do. Cuz if they're hoping for a fresh start in the New Year, I hate to be the one to burst their bubble in telling them that it ain't going to happen. Safe to say Akhil and I aren't in any hurry to bring more children into this world, which seems to have less and less to offer.

In the same breath, I must be grateful for living in a country like Hong Kong, where living fearlessly is an understatement.

Lets just hope people start behaving more like animals and less like human beings, because it seems like animals have more compassion and love in their hearts when it comes to their own kind than we have today. For all those of you asking for the beasts to be hanged, give castration a thought. The physical, emotional and egotistical suffering lasts forever. 

In more sad news, I recently discovered that all the Chinese noodle soup that I happily relished all year long, isn't as healthy as I thought it was. Our relationship with food has changed forever. Nothing is a 100% natural anymore. A friend of mine recently introduced me to his new field of work- fish farming! We cultivate fish today! In huge tanks dug on earth, that are nothing short of man made cement lakes. I was in shock after watching the video of his factory in China. Its no wonder we must say a prayer before every meal! "Dear god thank you for this food and help me survive all the chemicals in it or the chemical processes its been through"

On a happier note I DID IT!

And I can barely believe I did. I successfully completed a whole year (and 14 days) of my first ever full time job - training at a salon:) You can only understand the greatness of my achievement this year if you try understand the psyche of a performer at heart, who isn't performing anymore. It wasn't easy, but I did it and enjoyed every bit of it. That took up the bulk of my year, the rest of it was spent recovering from long days of work, entertaining our family and friends who had travelled from all over to spend time with us, traveling ourselves and pretty much getting used to a whole new work life.
Surprisingly the second year of marriage was even more fun than the first one, Akhil didn't pull any surprises on me and do a 180 degree turn that I've been told most men do after marriage. So thats a good sign:)
Not only did we make some great new friends this year, but the manner in which I met most of them and then subsequently their other halves is very telling of how ransom I seem to be as a person, contrary to the image I have of my sane self in my head.

• One on a flight
• One in a toilet
• One whose head I shampooed in the salon
• One who sat behind me on a bus(this in a country where you don't talk to anyone you don't know, you don't even smile at them) and
• One who I met everyday at work for 6 months, before forging a connection over e-mail!!

Like I said COMPLETELY RANDOM. And what makes me happiest about knowing them all is that they're all "good" people with good intentions. Maybe there is hope after all. 

I miss all of you back home and think of you more often than you would know.

If any of you meet Aamir Khan , tell him we still have to do that movie together:) Oh and thank you for Satyamev Jayate! The first time I watched Indian television religiously every week, without fail. And if you haven't watched Homeland already, please do. i resented her 15 years ago for acting with my heartthrob fresh off the success of Titanic, when he was at the peak of my Leo adulation curve. Resent her even more now for having bagged such an awesome part in such an awesome show! Damn you Claire Danes.

Sending you lots of love, albeit from far away. ..

Hope its a peaceful, stable and kind 2013 for all of you.

Anaitha

The end of an era for me...

I recently lost Papaji (my maternal grandfather), the last of my grandparents. I had never had the chance to meet my maternal grandmother but at least I had the good fortune of meeting and spending so much time with 3 of them. It was the end of a generation for me, the end of an era.

I felt orphaned almost instantly even though I have both my parents, a sibling, a husband and his family to cherish. It was an empty feeling I cant describe, that made me feel so hollow. All three of them lived happy, healthy lives and died of old age, which always helps in your acceptance of it, but still I felt a vacuum that upset me so much. I realized then what an important part of my life they had been even though my interaction with them became a lot less as I grew older, and got busy with my life. All of a sudden every instant spent with them and every memory came rushing back to me.

Apoopa (my paternal grandfather) was the one I loved the most. He might have been born in the 1914, but that didn't change my ability to interact with him right until 2008 when he passed, as if he was part of my generation. The way he thought, the manner in which he functioned, his discipline in life, his obsessiveness about routine and its importance in daily life, his love for education and learning, his never say never attitude, his honesty and straightforwardness, his belief in nobody and no god but the goodness of being.... I could go on.

Amooma's (my paternal granmother) love for feeding everyone who entered the house especially all her grandchildren. Her storytelling that was legendary, her humor, her never passing judgement even if there was cause for it, her staying up till 2 or 3 in the morning till every member of the house was back safely.Her waking up at 5 am everyday rain or sunshine to have a typical South Indian bath, water her garden, pluck fresh flowers from there and use it in her morning prayers asking all her gods to take care of her family. He singleminded focus and devotion towards her husband, ensuring everything she did was in the hope of a better, healthier life for him.

Papaji's generosity despite not having much, but was shown in every action of his, which just goes to show how one can be so generous even when they have nothing of material value to give.  When I think of him today the first thing that comes to mind is thoughtfulness. Whether it was waiting for everyone to be seated at the dinner table, and insisting on everyone having their plates full and eating before he would even start (this even at the age of 93), or it was offering his bed near the breezy window in the furnace that is Gulbarga in the peak summer so that we could have a peaceful night's sleep, even if he didn't. He had a temper that would put anyone to shame, and so despite an argument with him over the same things everyday we would have to succumb to his wants even though it angered us at seeing him so uncomfortable. Its amazing how stubborn and angry a nonagenarian can get.

Im 28 today and when I look back , so much of what I have learnt has unconsciously come from my observation of not just them but my parents interaction with them. I know every child thinks their parents are the best, but I can honestly say without the slightest doubt or hesitation that the manner in which my parents took care of my grandparents, and went out of their way throughout the course of their married lives to put their parents as number one priority- very few people do in todays busy, selfish times. Time, money, resources or even children, nothing took priority over taking care of their parents. At the first ring of the telephone, they would drop anything they might have been doing and fly to where their parents were, sit in hospitals for weeks, spend months at their homes, nurse them back to health if it even meant washing and cleaning up after their elderly mess. There was no job too menial or cumbersome and no time too precious when it came to taking care of them.
So today when I see children throwing their parents out of their own houses and tricking ailing parents into signing off property to them, I cringe, because I cant even imagine it. Grandparents to me were not burdens and people who took up so much of your time, instead were a wealth of knowledge by merely observing them. They were my time machines into the past to experience history as it was created in a world that I can never relate to. The were rich sources of information for solutions at the most basic levels, whether at home or at work, without the use of consultants, help, gadgets or the internet.

And Im so saddened at not having them in my life anymore.
I miss you Apoopa, Amooma and Papaji and wish I had more time to spend with you. Thank you for everything you taught me without even knowing you did. 

Hello 2012, You came soon!

Marriage. A child. The end of one fascinating,fulfilling career, the beginning of two others. Move to 2 different countries. Setting up home-twice. Routine. Learning. Never thought it would happen so soon, still can't believe it has, but its been (exactly) 11 months married and if this is what marriage is like I'd recommend it to everyone. I left Mumbai and 6 years of living a dream this Jan knowing that this was the right decision and that sometimes timing is everything. Thank god I was right. Id be lying if I said I didn't miss acting- I do. But in the same breath, this aspect of life was equally important to me if not more. Besides Jackie,Ang and Wong (Chan, Lee and Kar Wai respectively)  might just bump into me, who knows!

Singapore first, now Hongkong...I set up home for the first time without any help from mama. Never thought I'd manage, didn't know what my tastes were in colours and designs until I was in those stores buying things and I realized a pattern in what instantly got my attention and what definitely didn't. Another thing I never dreamt happening was me being out shopping and returning with things for the house instead of myself! Imagine that!!!

I'd never been a big fan of cooking everyday, when living alone, its no fun cooking for one. But with Akhil around, his vast knowledge of knowing what goes well with what and his abundant patience with my kitchen disasters, its been a pleasure. He definitely is the better cook(albeit very rare) but he's never once complained, instead has always had only words of encouragement and praise when completely undeserved too. Proceed with caution if I ever cook for you as I've been given to understand everything I make is Michelin standards ;)

Waking up early and having a daily routine, hasn't happened since college, hence was very welcome. I started teaching in Hongkong a week after we got here, something I've always thought I'd be good at, turns out I was right! However my 'soft gentle' voice working through the day decided to pack up after 5 months! And so teaching was not to be.

Not that I have a bucket list but if ever I did,this would top the list. I remember my highly educated, super successful, self made, 85 year old grandfather's reaction to my mentioning wanting to be a hairdresser about a decade ago,"What you want to be a barber?" He'll be happy to know I finally started on that lil dream, and for all those close to me who've willingly and under no duress trusted me with their hair thus far- Thank You! Once I'm done here you get free hair services for life!

Its my first ever regular "job" where I have to ask for annual leave every year (how fancy is that), have timings and can't just take off for a holiday when I feel like- having said that what a job it is! I go to work each morning on a ferry with the view attached. Spent 45 mins in the hairdressers chair yesterday with some hairdo being experimented on my head, have mirrors all around me (in Anaitha land,that's bliss!), get to dress up to work everyday, watch the best people in the business make magic with hair and all this while I learn and train to do something I've always wanted to do. Oh and did I mention unlimited free cuts and colours:)  As if every film I did wasn't messing enough with my hair, I now have temptation that will be the death of me.

And now for the child! Yes we had a new addition to our family-  just not born to us, but to Aashil and Komal. Something tells me I'm going to probably love this boy a lot more than I will my own child when it happens, simply because he's born to a brother I love and adore and so his baby is as good as mine, and he is and always will be the first.

And so 2011 comes to a close with not much fanfare and celebration but with happiness packaged in a form I've never experienced it in before.

To all those back home I miss you dearly, to all those I'm yet to meet here in Hkg, I can't wait!

HAPPY NEW YEAR!

Love Anaitha
8:26 am, HongKong.

Questioning happiness and sobriety.

Its 2011 where the whole world is turning to Yoga, spirituality, gurus, scientology, shrinks, art of living and what not to achieve happiness or dregs of it in whatever form it will come to them. I have always maintained that every  "issue" in a adult humans life stems from a childhood experience/s, which then later manifests itself into alcoholism, drugs, broken relationships, violence, anger and such in varying degrees.

Which brings me to me! I say with great pride that I had the best childhood, with love in such abundance that I never had to seek it anywhere else but at home. I'm 27 today - have never touched alcohol, drugs or tobacco simply because I never developed a taste or need for it. So when the world around me is on a quest for happiness and validation from any source - I feel blessed to be where I am. Now one would kill to be in my shoes yes? To be eternally happy, content with no cobwebs muddling the mind. I would think so, but given my profession I began questioning this state of mind a few years ago and in the last 3 months it seems to have gathered accelerated pace.

I am a performing artiste.Which puts me in the category of people who are creative - musicians, singers, actors, directors, writers, technicians and artists. My kind thrives on insecurity, substance abuse, sex, breakdowns, depression, heartbreak, being broke and  highs to combat the all time lows (that come with every failure in our effort to succeed) at some point. All this forms part of their "life experience" which is content and ammunition that they channel into their art. Which explains some of the most brilliant songs,poems, stories, paintings, films and performances of all time.

Lets talk about me now. I've never had my heart broken, I've never had a breakdown, I've never needed outside assistance apart from the regular doses of motivation from family and friends, I've never had a fling (they've all been committed relationships of a year minimum), I've never had a wild drunk night, I've never been broke and slept on a railway platform.... I've never done anything that could stir in me emotion so raw that it blossoms into a song filled with so much passion and emotion. Yes you could say,"Why not write about happy things, surely you have a bank of that emotion to draw from?" I do. But lets be honest which happy song/performance has ever brought you to tears, touched or moved you in a way that a sad one has!

So today when I have decided to explore my creativity and write I fall short because I realise that Happiness never made me want to write, it made me want to live! While sadness on the other hand always had me put pen to paper to get it out of my system in order to deal with it. But no sadness I experienced was astronomic enough to produce a great piece of art.

Now you tell me do I stay in for dinner tonight or get hammered and paint the town red? (pink...I like that colour better)