Most often despite knowing what you should be doing, you just don't do it.
Its been 12 days living in a country I've never been to before, and instead of going around exploring the place I've chosen to sit quiet and be by myself. Part of this stems from knowing that I will be here a while and so there is plenty of time to discover the wonders of HongKong and its Cantonese speaking population. But its the other part that baffles me. I just don't feel like it. Which is very unlike me.
And so I try and analyse, part of which is this piece of writing.
Ok. A clue. But what?
The recent demise of a dear friend's husband did put the brake on things for a while. But that was 20 days ago. And evidently I still haven't recovered. I've lost a lot of known people the last 10 years or so, the worst having lost my grandfather- but I consoled myself saying he was 95 and had lived a long, happy, full life, with no regrets.
What makes this one different is knowing that he was only 37.Us having met him 32 hours ago having seen signs that yelled WARNING in red- but didn't act on them, knowing it was a life cut short, but worst of all having left behind an incredible happy marriage of 7 years and an inconsolable wife; who happened to be a dear dear friend.
Sleep doesn't come easy, disturbing dreams are plenty, thoughts of her are abundant and frequent- and there's way too much time on my hands that only makes me think of it more!
The same time that I should be using to divert my mind, instead its occupied by thoughts that prevent me from doing just that. its a strange cycle - but break it I must.
Now that I know whats wrong. Lets see when I manage to make it right. Hong Kong lure me with your charms please...
Its been 12 days living in a country I've never been to before, and instead of going around exploring the place I've chosen to sit quiet and be by myself. Part of this stems from knowing that I will be here a while and so there is plenty of time to discover the wonders of HongKong and its Cantonese speaking population. But its the other part that baffles me. I just don't feel like it. Which is very unlike me.
And so I try and analyse, part of which is this piece of writing.
- Am I upset being here? No.
- Do I not like the country? No, in fact I love it.
- Am I in denial? Definitely not.
- Am I lacking company? No.
- Is something bothering me which explains my lack of excitement and motivation to get "out there"? Yes.
Ok. A clue. But what?
The recent demise of a dear friend's husband did put the brake on things for a while. But that was 20 days ago. And evidently I still haven't recovered. I've lost a lot of known people the last 10 years or so, the worst having lost my grandfather- but I consoled myself saying he was 95 and had lived a long, happy, full life, with no regrets.
What makes this one different is knowing that he was only 37.Us having met him 32 hours ago having seen signs that yelled WARNING in red- but didn't act on them, knowing it was a life cut short, but worst of all having left behind an incredible happy marriage of 7 years and an inconsolable wife; who happened to be a dear dear friend.
Sleep doesn't come easy, disturbing dreams are plenty, thoughts of her are abundant and frequent- and there's way too much time on my hands that only makes me think of it more!
The same time that I should be using to divert my mind, instead its occupied by thoughts that prevent me from doing just that. its a strange cycle - but break it I must.
Now that I know whats wrong. Lets see when I manage to make it right. Hong Kong lure me with your charms please...
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